:Reading the last few journal entries: Why is this the RIP (last few journal entries) page? :shakes head:..Today is September 11th btw, boo, hiss, ick, ouch, arrggh.
My knee is killing me today, must be the damp weather fucking with my joints.
The last few days, I've grown hair just wondering why the last few journal entries are mostly RIP's, specifically the one about my freinds suicide.. From shock,to utter disbelief, to vomiting, to crying while I'm alone, to not wanting to be alone,compassion, to utter anger, to this surreal feeling..I figured, this yeears ago: A freind of mine gave me a stereo system , it doesn't work (wasn't fully functional when he gave it to me), and I'm not putting any money into repairing it. So the stereo wastes space in my apartment. I was thinking, in my fustration, that perhaps I could go out to an open field or wooded area, with a baseball bat, and lay waste to this stereo system, after all, it's mine, it 's broke, and arrrggg, in my anger and rage. I'm too lazy to do that..
I had a nightmare 2 weeks ago about my cat Spakyle who had to be put to sleep becuase she had inoperable cancer.. In my nightmare I was looking for my cat in NYC (where the cat lived with my mom). I had the cat cage, but no cat. I asked everyone, "Have you seen my cat?", and I was getting upset in my nightmare. Untill I found my cat dead, people we're standing around my cat's body, as I threw everyone off my cat, and then woke up from my nightmare.
I'm back to my regulary scheduled life, LIFE being the operative word, and living it to the fullest.. This may sound cheesy, but there is nothing WRONG with saying "Hey, I like you, and I love you" to someone. After all, you never know if it will be last time you'll see them again.
In this generation of reveling in self hatred and destruction, it's not a bad idea to love, and respect your self and others. It's seems so hard for people these days.It seems "trendy" to be a nihlistic,explotive, self centered, narcissicist, ASSHOLE. So it's ok and METAL to make a promise to feel better, take care of your self.. Promise to your self and others to feel better (without exploiting others).
I hope to return this journal back to it's metal purpose in a few days. Thanks-Stay Metal, Brutal and alive \m/ -l-