Monday, December 29, 2008

The 196 rules of DOOM METAL

Dooooom oooon, oh yes, the apocalypse is upon us, and..well..humanity is doomed. These rules, we must follow (sarcasm) wich may conflict upon individualism, but ya know, every genre of music has it's cultural norms, and so does doom. If you go to, the forum users have decided on 300 rules of doom metal, some are redundant and very funny. The 196 rules of doom metal is the abridged version, and yes, there are more rules to the doom metal culture, than the black, death, power, hardcore and nu metal genres. Of course, everything is longer in doom, the songs are longer in length, epic, and therefore the rules, follow the rules as thier are more of those rules. So for all you doomsters out there, with no further intro, doooom oooon man.

1. Life is too short to experience all that is good.
2. Life is too long to enjoy living.
3. Every day is a funeral.
4. Do not wear anything but flat black clothes and combat boots.
5. Do not smile
6. Do not laugh.
7. Death Doom is not slow Death Metal, unless you think it is.
8. Doom Metal is not Death Metal with a violin.
9. No matter what anyone says, that vocalist is not the Cookie Monster.
10. I said "No laughing!!!"
11. No matter what anyone says, you're not a Goth.
12. While a black teddy bear with a broken heart hanging from a noose on your windshield may very well symbolize your tortured inner nature, it's not very metal.
13. It is acceptable to listen to non-doomy music if you play it at 1/4 of its normal tempo.
14. You may complain about an album's production unless it is a Thergothon release.
15. You will own Thergothon's 'Stream From The Heavens', but never listen to it because of the bad sound quality.
16. Spend years looking for that extremely rare limited to 500 copies vinyl only release that you must own, then listen to it twice in your lifetime.
17. You must never admit to liking a "fast part" on a doom CD, unless it is Disembowelment.
18. Watch incomprehensible cult movies with no plot, storyline or anything remotely interesting happening because "it's doomy!".
19. You can make fun of Nazis unless the said Nazi is Fucked up Mad Max. Then you can overlook his beliefs because his "music was good".
20. Album covers must contain one of the following: Ruins, Spirits in agony, A cemetary sculpture of an angel, or A pretty painting of heaven...
21. But you're not a Goth!
22. As a Doomster, you're too apathetic to engage in silly music genre debates.
23. Unless someone calls you Gothic, then it's on.
24. Always let your goat listen first to a new CD, so she may consider if it's good or bad for you.
25. Kitty cats are not appropriate pets unless they're black and depressed.
26. You must appreciate folk polka metal because polka is dark, emotional and "...really doomier than Serenades when you think about it."
27. Consider yourself open-minded about music.
28. Consider all other metal narrow-minded, especially "True Norwegian Black Metal!"
29. Ignore the contradiction of the above two rules.
30. If you're a traditional doom fan, you must complain endlessly about My Dying Bride, and call all the non-trad fans "Gothic Fags." Also complain about Droning doom because it's not music.
31. If you’re a Sludge Doom fan moan that Trad doom is really Heavy Rock.
32. If you’re a Stoner Doom Fan, you are not paranoid. They are all out to get you.
33. If you're a Doom/Death fan, you must complain endlessly about Droning Doom because it's even slower and more boring than what you listen to. Also complain about trad-doom because half the vocalists sound like they've been castrated.
34. If you're a fan of Droning Doom, you're probably too busy zoning on the droning to be reading this list, or to even care.
35. Remember Rule 22. You do not engage in silly music genre debates.
36. If someone says Doom-Metal is a mix between Death-Metal and Gothic-Metal, kick him in the nuts.
37. Unless you're fixated on an Earth CD at the time, then you probably didn't hear a word he just said.
38. If you find yourself describing your favourite piece of music as "Joyful," "A bright ray of sunshine," or "the super happy fun song," there's a slight chance that it's not Doom.
39. Doom Reviews containing descriptions such as "Crushing," "Monolithic," "Depressive," and "Suicidal" are good reviews... and yes, these are complimentary terms!
40. If you feel down, then listen to some truly soul crushing, suicidal doom to cheer you up.
41. If you are Doom, you are probably from Finland or Yorkshire.
42. Even if you're not Doom, if you're from Finland, you're probably still a miserable bastard.
43. No matter how slow you play, you can always play slower.
44. If there are more than 30 beats per minute, the music is too fast.
45. If you play anything above 30 bpm, you are probably Pop music, unless you are Disembowelment.
46. If Skepticism suddenly decides to play something above 30 bpm, then we will make an exception for them too, but this is very unlikely.
47. Make sure to include such words as "Emptiness," "Dying," "Solitude," "Cold," "Night," "Despair," "Demon," "Caress," "Darkness," and "Shadows" in your band name, song titles, and lyrics. Arrange them in faux poetic ways such as "In the Cold Demon's Caress, I lay Dying," "Dark Emptiness," "In Demonic Shadows, I Despair." "Empty Shadows of Death," and one that every True Doomster should relate to: "Nights of Solitude."
48. Only the first two albums of a band are True™ doom.
49. Disband after the first album or mini-cd and you're CULT!
50. Never let your audience know if your new song is an instrumental or not until you really have to. Give them at least 3 minutes to guess how the song will turn out.
51. Record 6 songs that span over the length of 2 full CDs. Obviously intro's, outro's and short intermezzo's (on both disks) are included in the song count.
52. You must make fun of Black Metal musicians taking pictures in the woods. Promptly afterwards you will have your band-mate follow you into a thicket by the local cemetery with a 35mm camera for "band shots".
53. True™ doom lyrical content must include references to: a relative, spouse, fiancée or pet dying, or abstract explorations of getting dumped by your girlfriend.
54. If you reference all of the above in a single song, you qualify for "Sooper Dooper Pooper Scooper True Cult Doom" status. An example of this would be: "Rover has passed into the frozen wastes of Kadath, and my heart has been rent from my ribcage by thee, temptress bitch."
55. There have to be at least 3 different songs with the same name in your repertoire. (You may put a number after it if you want, such as "Rover, My Temptress Bitch MXVIII.")
56. While practicing your death metal "Cookie Monster" vocals, resist the temptation to write songs about how much the chocolate chips long to join the sugary dough for one last dip into the pond of milk white purity before being thrown into the gaping maw of a ravenous muppet.
57. Most importantly, and I can't stress this enough: Be from Finland!
58. A Funeral Doom riff should last a minimum of 15 seconds, and repeat itself for at least 16 minutes.
59. You know you are a funeral doomster when you find yourself saying, “Black Sabbath just play too fast.”
60. If you’re a traditional doomster, rip off Black Sabbath, Saint Vitus, Obsessed, Pagan Altar and Pentagram, then claim any similarity is pure coincidence.
61. Mourn the loss of Paradise Lost a once great band.
62. Violinists are not necessarily gay.
63. The mark of good funeral doom is whether you can get a beer from the fridge in the time between two snare hits.
64. True doomsters are too depressed to go to band practice.
65. Use Æ in your song titles
66. Doomsters are not kvlt, tr00, gr1m or pretentious.
67. Hide your Darkthrone records when one of your doomed mates visits.
68. Any song shorter than 8 minutes is an 'Intro'.
69. Doom bands should not be popular, unless they're disbanded, then they are CULT.
70. Don't go out, unless the weather's cold and dreary.
71. Funerals are your favourite pastime.
72. State explicitly that doom bands are interesting and varied, then record a song with one riff the entire 20minutes of the track
73. If you are no longer doom, say you've "progressed" and deny that any previous doom recording even existed.
74. Sing along in the bath to your favourite doom band, then deny it because your too "depressed" to sing to yourself in the bath
75. Doomsters listen to a variety of music, are able to appreciate many music forms, and laugh at the shit non-doomsters listen to.
76. All doom bands are pioneering even if they sounds like every other doom band
77. Keep tours to a minimum, if people want to see you they have to be cult enough to travel at least 20,000miles
78. If more than 20 people ever come to one of your shows, you have to break up or else you're a sell-out
79. Name your demos and albums with strange titles like "Cthulghy Hyoyrto Skyththte", or "Jhihhee Eliidhhddeenn Fffffhhhhttthjhjuuuuu". By doing this, your band will look really avant garde, progressive and doom.
80. Be tired and indifferent during interviews. Your answers should contain at least 10 long-structured sentences. Otherwise, you are just a punk rock prick.
81. Doom musicians don't move at gigs. If they move, they are not doom.
82. Same applies to the audience.
83. Do not update your band’s website.
84. If your fellow-band members are manic-depressive, make sure you quit before they reach the manic phase!
85. Never respond to e-mails, especially if they are asking to buy your CD.
86. Don't release any of your tracks on the internet, so people can't find out how you sound. And when do finally release your album, release it in an obscure label from Australia that refuses to distribute any of the 500 printed copies.
87. If possible, do not release anything when you're band is still together. After you're disbanded release your abominable rehearsal tapes and sell them with outrageous prices.
88. Artwork must contain pink or purple!
89. Make really happy music and sing about always looking on the bright side of life... Eric Idle is doom?… Life's a bowl of shit, when you look at it!
90. If someone can recognize one of your band members in a picture, you are not doom.
91. Do not betray your favourite band by wearing one of their T-Shirts. If someone sees it and listens to them, they will become popular and hence commercial sell-out shit.
92. Re-re-re-re-release your demo on tape or vinyl, but not on cd, and make sure no one ever will be able to buy it
93. You know when you are listening to doom when you’re out cycling and old ladies walk past you.
94. You know when you are listening to doom when that snail jumps out in front of you.
95. The mark of a good Funeral Doom album is to put it on, go to sleep and find it's still playing when you wake up.
96. Make sure your booklet don't contain lyrics or information of any sort.
97. Doom should sound like being alone, naked, with no food, or water, in the middle of a terrible blizzard, with a lot of hatred and pain in your heart, while being on drugs. If it doesn’t go see a doctor of doom.
98. Finland, Finland, Finland, the country where I want to be, pony trekking or camping, or just watching TV. Finland, Finland, Finland, it's the country for me!
99. Always keep the curtains closed, use candles is you must have light.
100. Your first breath is the beginning of your death.
101. Go drown yourself in a stream of mourn.
102. Never let anybody else contribute to a list of Doom Rules
103. Life is full of suffering, a seemingly endless path in the blackest darkness imaginable, which stops suddenly and you fall into even blacker nothingness
104. Emptiness rules
105. Skepticism is spelt with a ‘K’
106. Happiness is a worthless electrical illusion created by pointless peasants
107. Time is what happens between mistakes
108. Life is what happens to you if you don't die soon enough, but don’t panic, life is terminal.
109. Nothing is the answer to everything
110. People are cannibals who eat themselves in order to sustain themselves
111. Doom is a state of mind, a dark blue, blanket grey, black state of mind
112. You are born, you chug alone on rails, you pause at stations to let people on and off and you terminate; and there is nothing you can do about it… and that is the shape of despair.
113. Life is a fruitless search for a answer that doesn’t exist that seems to last longer than a Doom song but is actually over in a flash
114. Life is loneliness in a world of 6 billion people.
115. In all things, be alone.
116. Doomsters like to moan about life
117. Everything is bullshit and fake, and your dreams are insignificant.
118. Take each day at a time and discard yesterday's burdens or they will crush you when you add them to tomorrows
119. Life is a sexually transmitted disease
120. Life is pop-up hell
121. Life... don't talk to me about life
122. Life is a JOKE... remember, NO LAUGHING!!
123. Nothing is real
124. Ambition is like smoking face down in bed
125. Happiness is keeping busy and not thinking too much
126. Happiness is about being happy that you're not sad about being unhappy.
127. The music business is a monkey's arse.
128. Judge a person by their record collection.
129. There is no problem that cannot be solved by real ale
130. Love is a poisoned chalice and hate is the antidote
131. Life is like a chocolate box, some do without, others have plenty. It sticks in my throat, my stomach's in knots, while your box is so full, mine's perpetually empty
132. Hell is other people
133. A sunset is only electromagnetic radiation whose photons register in you eye sensors. Beauty is an illusion invented by postcard salesmen
134. Fail young, fail often
135. Avoid moments of clarity
136. Look forward to your last breath and the pleasure of that final disappointment and say “Is that all there is? If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing, let's break out the booze and have a ball, if that's all there is”.
137. Never brush your teeth with a Noothgrush
138. Living is pointless, death is pointless, talking to others is pointless, so what’s my point?
139. Life is like a bookcase and happiness is candy on the top shelf and you're a four year old who can't reach. Just don’t be surprised when the whole lot crashes down on you when you climb up to reach it and the candy falls further out of reach… and then you die.
140. Be content to vanish into nothingness when you die for no show, however good, could conceivably be good forever
141. Reality is an internal representation, so don’t worry about it
142. Worry about your next meal instead of enjoying the one you have.
143. In all things be drunk.
144. Doomsters don’t take ‘Speed’, they take ‘Slow’
145. Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing.
146. Life is a 100 year mortgage that you can’t afford the payments on.
147. When your creativity have dried up and shrivelled like an old prune, sign up with Century Media and abandon Doom altogether and go MTV friendly, but still cite My Dying Bride as one of your major influences.
148. Insisting your latest album is the bleakest, and most haunting your band has ever recorded, even if it’s your debut.
149. Drone doomsters do go OooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNnnn... nnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnNNNNNN... NNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, sometimes.
150. Mournful Congregation would like to thank depression, pain, death, suicide, distain, misery, sadness, gloom dejection, melancholia, desolation, despondency, discouragement, downheartedness, grief, suffering distress, anguish, torture, agony, torment woe, sorrow, Wretchedness, unhappiness, affliction, displeasure, misfortune, lamentation, mourning, solitude, solemnity and Doom.... and so should you.
151. Generally speaking Sludge Doomsters are angry, Gothic doomsters are sad, funeral doomsters are barely breathing, death doomsters are dirty, drunk and dribbling, Stoner Doomsters don't care, drone doomsters are out of it and traditional Doomsters are permanently pissed off, mainly with other doomsters.
152. Have at least one goat-related song on your new album
153. If you are from England become sad and embittered that no-one gives two fucks about you, your band or your label, because in England nobody care about anything except their own little stash, nobody that is except those 30 people odd people who do turn up to see you play, and they are worth more than a stadium full of fair weather trend following wankers.
154. If half the audience hasn't left out of frustration before you've finished your first note, then you're playing too fast.
155. Trad Doom bands have to have shit singers, it's the law.
156. No one else understands why a 2 note song is good, but you don't care.
157. Impaled Nazarene are Doom because of the shear number of goats involved.
158. Make sure your drummer's not awake during gigs. After the gig, wake him up and tell him he played fantastic.
159. Look very bored during parties. If anyone asks, say you amuse yourself.
160. Debuts are good. Follow-ups are repetition and sell-out.
161. Make fun of punks. remember though, you are open-minded.
162. Trust me, your last gig was aweful.
163. Blame others for your lack of success if success is what you seek (you know who you are)
164. Make sure at least one member of your band owns a record label otherwise you'll never release anything other than CDRs.
165. If no one in your bands owns a record label then write rave reviews of the bands that do.
166. Don't mention Lee Dorian's singing ability. Remember, he owns a record label.
167. "The end will come for all these lies, life is worthless, life will die, there's no need to cry" --Douglas P.
168. Funeral Doomsters: Make sure you have a tuner connected to your guitar, it's bound to get out of tune between strikes.
169. Did the lights just go out or was that the night?
170. Expect the term 'Score' to mean one thing to a Funeral Doomster and something completely different to a Stoner Doomster.
171. Expect the phrase "Is there another key?" to mean one thing to a Death Doomster and something completely different to a Stoner Doomster.
172. The glass is half empty dummy.
173. Don't cry into your beer, it will water it down and make it taste salty.
174. Doom SHALL rise.
175. Doom or be doomed.
176. Say after me... "I will stay on this revolving globe of outrage until it breaks wind and collapses on itself".
177. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
178. Pour your heart and soul into designing a flyer, get them printed, then don't post them. It's connected with rule 91... Flyers = Sellout... remember, no one must know.
179. Always outnumber your audience in case they beat you up after the gig and nick your equipment
180. Tell everyone that your bandmembers are all 100% True Doom, even if the drummer's secretly into Trash, the guitarist's a closet Malmsteen fan and the bassplayer's so doped up he thinks he a Prog Rocker.
181. You can be in as many bands as you like, but just make sure that they all play the same stage on the same night, and ideally, sound exactly the same.
182. Get a girlfriend...she will double the audience!
183. Amaze your audience and get a full lineup together.
184. To be classified True™ doom you must obtain a signed certificate of authentication from Wino.
185. Any sign of progression or deviation from the True™ Doom path will result in debagging and expulsion from the’ Circle Of True Doom’™. Disgraced band member's names will be struck from the 'Children of Doom' ™ register and Wino certification withdrawn.
186. The Swans are doom.
187. Doom is Rage without the aggression.
188. Don't try and headbang to Funeral Doom, you'll look ridiculous.
189. Rather than headbanging and looking amazingly ridiculous, prepare for your next funeral metal gig by avoiding sex, or touching your wankshaft for a couple of weeks, let your balls swell up to the size of melons, then on the night, drop your trousers and unleash you're awe inspiringly large testicles... arch your back... spread your legs wide... and sway them to and fro in time to the mega slow metal thereby avoiding any possibly headbanging embarrasing situation.
190. There is pleasure in grief.
191. Doom is the sound of inevitablility.
192. Don't pay by the hour for rehearsal space if you intend running through a few 'Until Death Overtakes Me' numbers.
193. The doomed mind is a terrible thing to taste so spice it up with some fava beans and a nice chianti
194. Doomed solo composers must have Funeral, Drone and Ambient projects and several combinations thereof on the go at any one time to be taken seriously.
195. Insist that all of these projects are different, even if they sound the same.
196. Claim you know the singer with My Dying Bride, or were present in the studio when they recorded 'Turn Loose the Swans.'
Thanks-Stay Metal, Stay Brutal-DOOOOM OOON-\m/ -l-

The Ten Commandments of Metal

I just found this is on the comments section of ENSLAVED MYSPACE, thought it was funny, and I would like to share. BTW, writing some more reviews, my LATE best of 2007, and my best of 2008 will be next month, and more reviews, ect. I promised a friend the "Rules of doom metal" and there are many. So it MUST be done, because yes, us metal heads have a sense of humor, as the culture of extreme metal and various genres is just important as the music.
FROM some dude on MYSPACE via ENSLAVED comments section:













Thanks-Stay Metal, Stay Brutal- -l- \m/

Monday, December 22, 2008


We at ITP would like to wish you all a very brutal, and METAL holiday season, have a great satanic, anti X-mas. Here's the last installment of "Notes From the Extreme Metal Underground" of 2008 (V.08 part 10) as ITP V.09 will be up and running next month. "I saw mommy Killing Santa Clause."
*Rocky mountain hydro grinders CEPHALIC CARNAGE and west coasters CATTLE DECAPITATION have been added to 2009's Maryland Death Fest.Both bands are replacing ENSLAVED (Norway) whom canceled their spring 2009 North American tour and their appearance at 2009's MDF.
*Berlin Germany's "FUCK THE COMMERCE FEST" (death/grind fest) will be moved indoors
to K 17 5/20-23/09.
* Legendary Norwegian black metal project BURZUM will feature (Varg Vikernes) entire catalog on I TUNES.
*Swedish progressive, extreme metal band MESHUGGAH will tour the USA with reunited technical metal legends CYNIC in February of 2009.
*Reunited grind legends AUTOPSY will unleash their first CD in 15 years entitled "Horrific Obsession" on Peaceville 1/26/09.
*Belgium doom metal band SERPENTCULT shall unleash a new CD entitled "Weight of Light" 1/27/09 on Rise Above Records as the CD was recorded and produced by Greg Chandler (ESOTERIC- UK) at Priority Studios.
*Swedish thrashers THE HAUNTED will tour the USA in April of 2009 with NACHTMYSTIUM, INTRONAUT and KYLESA.
*Norwegian black metal legends EMPEROR shall unleash the last of all releases for the band. EMPEROR: "Live Inferno" shall drop 4/16/09 via Candlelight including a 16 page booklet, and a limited edition boxed set (two CD's a DVD, and a 24 page booklet).
*European grinders GENERAL SURGERY shall unleash a new offering "Corpis in Extremis=Analyzing Necrocriticism" in March of 2009.
*German funeral doom project WORSHIP have reported a lineup change. "Satachrist" has left WORSHIP to be replaced on guitar by "DOOMNIKE" (Nikki Morgenroth). Expect a new WORSHIP release in less than one year instead of seven years.
*Dave Mustaine of legendary U.S. thrash band MEGEDETH have announced the lineup (rumors) of the 2009 GIGANTOUR: BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE, AVENGED SEVENFOLD are unconfirmed as of yet.
*Swedish, suicide black metal powerhouse SHINING have issued an update on the bands perceived political leanings: "In the last couple of days, pictures of me 'partying' with some fans somewhere in Europe have been circulating on the net. And on a couple of them I make an impression of a German soldier doing the worldwide forbidden 'sieg heil' gesture. Of course, I mean nothing by this as it was merely a stupid thing we did to amuse ourselves and the people present, quite possibly during an abnorm intoxication of alcohol, drugs or both, as was the case back then!

"I have now undergone treatment and completely quit using drugs for the record.

"The point is, SHINING is absolutely not a political band, have never been, nor is any member of the band supporting national socialistic ideals or any form of racial discrimination.

"SHINING is a extreme band who openly glorify a very dark side of life, however, I have always said (in countless interviews throughout the years as in private) that I do not give a flying fuck whether you are black, white, Jewish or hindu. Because in my eyes ALL humans are equally worthless. "Enough said..."
* NYDM (New York Death Metal) project MALAMOR have a new (unmixed) song featured on their MYSPACE account entitled "INFECT" featuring guest vocals via John Gallagher of Baltimore death grind legends DYING FETUS:
* Extreme death grind label WILLOWTIP have signed a few more bands this month to look out for: Willowtip signs MAGRUDERGRIND, AFGRUND, & FLESHGOD APOCALYPSE. Willowtip is extremely proud to announce the signing of Washington, D.C.'s MAGRUDERGRIND. The band is set to enter Godcity Studios in early January to record their Willowtip debut with famed engineer Kurt Ballou (Converge, Misery Index, Torche). The recording will mastered at Visceral Sound by Scott Hull (Pig Destroyer, Phobia, Maruta).

* A very heartfelt R.I.P. to MPB on the forum (Adrian "The Energizer" Bromley ), he WILL be missed.
* If you're on AOL (still, lol) remember to REMOVE your pictures from the "You've got Pictures" program by 12/31/08 and remove ficlets by 1/15/09. Pfft, :rolls eyes:
*New Paltz, NY sex offender Charles Bridge apparently caught a DWI this fall, and has humorously dug himself into his own hole of alcoholism. If sex offender Charles Bridge tried to rationalize the attack via some vicious rumor based upon jealousy and homophobia, he's full of it, because I have consent to hang with friends whom are now ironically ex friends: RE: What up womyn

all good, got up to go to work, that idea lasted about 5, called in, the weather didn't help. hopefully see you soon.
*Snug's Harbor (New Paltz, NY) owner "Chris" was recently seen in court as a defendant, not sure of the lurid details, but his case was dismissed.

April 02 - The Glasshouse - Pomona, CA
April 03 - The Key Club - Hollywood, CA
April 04 - Slim’s - San Francisco, CA
April 05 - Hawthorne Theater - Portland, OR
April 06 - Neumo’s - Seattle, WA
April 07 - Commodore Ballroom - Vancouver, BC
April 08 - Starlite Ballroom - Edmonton, AB
April 09 - The Warehouse - Calgary, AB
April 11 - Royal Albert - Winnipeg, MB
April 12 - Station 4 - St. Paul, MN
April 13 - The Pearl Room - Mokena, IL
April 14 - Majestic Theatre - Detroit, MI
April 15 - Opera House - Toronto, ON
April 16 - Club Soda - Montreal, QC
April 17 - The Palladium - Worcester, MA
April 19 - BB King’s Blues Club - New York, NY
April 21 - Mr. Small’s - Millvale, PA
April 22 - Jaxx - Springfield, VA
April 23 - Volume 11 - Raleigh, NC
April 24 - The Masquerade - Atlanta, GA

FROM BLABBERMOUTH.NET: So far the following dates have been confirmed:
Feb 5- 7:00P
-Springfield, Virginia-JAXX Night Club
Feb 6 -Providence, Rhode Island Club Hell
Feb. 08 - Farmingdale, NY - Club Loaded
Feb. 14 - Detroit, MI - Harpos
Feb. 16 - Aurora, CO - Iliff Park Saloon
Feb. 17 - Salt Lake City, UT - Club Vegas
Feb. 18 - Farmington, NM - Big City Nightclub
Feb. 20 - San Jose, CA - Voodoo Lounge
Feb. 21 - Yucaipa, CA - Angels Roadhouse
Feb. 22 - W. Hollywood, CA - Key Club

Feb. 01 - House of Blues - Anaheim, CA
Feb. 02 - House of Blues - San Diego, CA
Feb. 03 - House of Blues - Hollywood, CA
Feb. 04 - Slim’s - San Francisco, CA
Feb. 06 - El Corazón - Seattle, WA
Feb. 07 - Hawthorne Theatre - Portland, OR
Feb. 08 - Commodore Ballroom - Vancouver, BC
Feb. 09 - Knitting Factory - Spokane, WA
Feb. 11 - Gothic Theatre - Englewood, CO
Feb. 13 - Station 4 - St. Paul, MN
Feb. 15 - House Of Blues - Chicago, IL
Feb. 17 - Phoenix Concert Theatre - Toronto, ON
Feb. 18 - Club Soda - Montreal, QC
Feb. 19 – Irving Plaza- New York,NY
Feb. 20 - Recher Theatre - Towson, MD

Two additional tour dates will be announced shortly.
04-08-2009 Nokia Theatre, NYC NY
04-09-2009 Trocadero, Philadelphia PA
04-10-2009 Palladium, Worcester MA
04-11-2009 Medley, Montreal QC
04-13-2009 Imperial de Quebec QC
04-14-2009 Opera House, Toronto ON
04-15-2009 Peabody’s, Cleveland OH
04-16-2009 Rave, Millwaukee WI
04-17-2009 House of Blues, Chicago IL
04-18-2009 The Rock, Maplewood MN
04-19-2009 Garrick Centre, Winnipeg MB
04-20-2009 The Distrikt Regina, SK
04-21-2009 Warehouse, Calgary AL
04-22-2009 Starlite Room, Edmonton AL
04-24-2009 Plaza Club, Vancouver BC
04-25-2009 Sugar Victoria BC
04-26-2009 El Corazon, Seattle WA
04-27-2009 Hawthorne Theatre, Portland OR
04-28-2009 Slims, San Francisco CA
04-30-2009 House Of Blues, Las Vegas NV
05-01-2009 House of Blues, San Diego, CA
05-02-2009 House of Blues, West Hollywood CA
05-04-2009 Gator’s, Farmington, NM
05-05-2009 Bluebird Theater, Denver CO
05-06-2009 Diamond Ballroom, Oklahoma City
05-07-2009 Ridglea Theater, Ft Worth TX
05-08-2009 Scout Bar, San Antonio TX
05-09-2009 Scout Bar, Houston TX
05-11-2009 The Garage, St. Petersburg FL
05-12-2009 Culture Room, Ft Lauderdale, FL
05-13-2009 Masquerade,Atlanta GA
05-14-2009 Headliner, Louisville KY
05-15-2009 Orange Peel, Ashville NC
05-16-2009 Volume 11, Raleigh NC
05-17-2009 Jaxx, West Springfield VA
SUMMER SLAUGHTER NEW ZEALAND @ Transmassion Room Auckland
*If you live in the ARIZONA south west region and you're jonesing for some brutality, catch this New Years Eve show featuring ASESINO (featuring Dino Cazares formerly of FEAR FACTORY and DIVINE HERESY,Tony Campos of STATIC X,Emilio Marquez of POSSESSED) with VEHEMENCE and tons of other bands 12/31/08 at UB's bar in MESA. Arizona.
*The Central Illinois Metal Fest staff are gearing up for 2009's CIM as the fest will be two instead of three days: Hails to all ....Matt Bishop here from the CIM.

Just wanted to get the word out that things are moving along and we plan to have our first band announcements in mid (to end) of January with the rest of the bands to be announced in Febuary!!

WHAT WE CAN TELL YOU IS THIS...There will be 25 bands total over the 2 days and bands toward the end will get larger set times.

Vader Cabinets will once again be supplying the backline for the event and we'd like to thank ADAM of VC for his support over the years!!!!!

Besides going back to 2 days...the decision was made to CUT the number of vendor spaces by 5 or 6 to allow for more room for the fans to enjoy the show!! we plan on rotating in new vendors yearly for those who missed out on 2009!! thanks all for their support!!!

As far as the LINEUP for 2009, I am really excited as its the first year that i have alot of NEW options for bands for the event that i didn't have in years past!...we are just going to work very hard to get a solid lineup that will make this the best CIM to date...While staying 120% true to what the CIM has always stood for!! Expect some of the largest bands we have had to date as well as alot of scene favorites with a few newcomers to show support to the next generation!!!

Tickets should go on sale when the first bands are announced in January 2009!!!

Keep sending in your request for bands and and the CIM to your top friends and support!!!

Have a Happy Holidays and Keep it SICK!!!!

Matt and the CIM staff myspace. com/centralillinoismetalfest

Thanks-BBL-(with more REVIEWS), Stay Metal, Stay Brutal-\m/ -l-

Friday, December 19, 2008


BAND: WORSHIP (Germany) GENRE: Funeral Doom                          LABEL: Solitude Productions (Russia)
RELEASE DATE: 10/19/2007
CATALOG: Last CD Before Doomsday (1999 demo)
Keep on Selling Cocaine to Angels (2000 split with AGATHOCLES)


TRACKLISTING: WORSHIP "DOOOM":                                                                                          (BOOK ONE)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           1. Endzeit Elegy
2. All I Ever Knew Lie Dead
3. The Altar And The Choir Of The Moonkult
4. Graveyard Horizon

(BOOK TWO)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      5. Zorn A Rust-Red Scythe
6. Devided
7. Mirror Of Soul (Solitude Aeturnus cover)
8. I Am The End - Crucifixion Part II


YES, this CD title is spelled correctly, as WORSHIPS "DOOOM" has to be one of my favorite releases of 2007. That's Dooom spelled with emotion.

German funeral doom project WORSHIP have a tragic history, and a resilient band persona. Originally a two man project, original drummer MAD MAX (MAX VARNIER) committed suicide in 2000, jumping off a bridge while on vacation in Canada. Salvaging the ruins of an excellent funeral doom project are the surviving members of WORSHIP, including vocalist DOOMMONGER (Daniel Pharos).
                                                                                                                                                        "Dooom" (the follow up to WORSHIP's much sought after demo "LAST VINYL UNTIL DOOMSDAY") features material dating back to earlier this decade, with lyrical, vocal and musical contributions via MAD MAX before his death, including excellent packaging thanks to our friends at SOLITUDE PRODUCTIONS.

DOOOM is well worth the wait, despite the heartbreaking consequences. As standard in the sub genre of funeral doom, every note is played at a snails pace, with depressing lyrical content dealing with death, dying, decay, and apocalyptic themes. Germany's WORSHIP (very much like THERGOTHON, SKEPTICISM) have to be at the fore front of the funeral doom genre.

DOOOM features sparse drumming, and low fi production, which ironically enough brings upon an isolated atmosphere. The dark, bellowing, death vocals of DOOMMONGER and excellent,slow, melodic lead guitars make DOOOM an invaluable listen. For there is no better music to end the world, your life, the day, or to enjoy a funeral to as "DOOOM" is your apocalyptic soundtrack..
                                                                                                                                                               Opening track, "Endziet Elegy" is powerful, as the isolated atmosphere of sparse drumming is your swan song to humanity, the walls are closing in on this song. "Endziet Elegy" features a spoken word part, with doom bells as the track is crushing.                                                                                                                             "All I Ever Knew is Dead" with its beautiful, harmonic, lead guitar and background chorus vocals is a stunning track. "All I ever knew" (6:27)  evokes the most mournful, bended note squeezed out like a suppressed tear drop. "All I ever knew" evokes an apocalyptic highlight, sending MAD MAX off and carrying his coffin.
"The Alter and Choir of the Moonkult" opens with an ominous bass line, and is brutal in its delivery with awesome melodic guitar leads, and an ambient break adding to the songs heavy/quiet dynamics.
                                                                                                                                                            "Graveyard Horizon", evokes a beautiful lullaby featuring clean, deep, dark vocals as"Graveyard Horizon"  expands into an intense funeral dirge ( 1:40).
                                                                                                                                                                    "Zorn A Rust-Red Scythe" features Sabbath influenced, stoner doom, distorted riffs and employ the use of prominent, slow, snail pace drumming. A light piano with melodic guitar breaks in the middle as "Zorn A Rust-Red Scythe" proves to be the most diverse and progressive track "DOOOM" has to offer.

"Devided", with it's heavy stop and start break features melodic leads flowing like a waterfall throughout the song. The dark/ambient spoken word break at 4:00 is awesome and adds variety to this release.

Also included on this awesome release is a good cover of Solitude Aeturnus's
Mirror Of Soul, and the closing track "I am the End- Crucifixion Part II". As WORSHIP's "DOOOM" closes with a melancholic piano outro, the ghost of MAD MAX still looms in the distance.
                                                                                                                                                              "DOOOM" is part eulogy to MAX VARNIER, a closure to his life, and the beginning of a new era for WORSHIP.

The irony is that 2006/2007 featured two excellent releases, from two funeral doom bands in memory of fallen bandmates: (FUNERAL 2003-Einar Frederiksen,Christian Loos 2006 and WORSHIP's MAD MAX Varnier 2000).FUNERAL's "From These Wounds" (2006) and WORSHIP's DOOOM (2007).

"DOOOM" is an epic, groundbreaking funeral doom soundtrack to isolation, fear, and despair with no hope. For all of us whom have ever lost someone, specifically to suicide, although we may miss them, "DOOOM" is closure.

Enjoy Your Funeral- RIP MAD MAX VARNIER


Thanks-Stay Metal, Stay Brutal- \m/ -l-

Monday, December 15, 2008


TICKETMASTER (or TicketBastards) monopoly on the ticket industry is old news. As reported last summer, TICKETMASTER is going paperless in certain markets. Alot of venues are contracting the VAULT, TICKETWEB ect. as ticket agencies. This is kinda funny, a friend of mine showed me this on FACEBOOK (as I'm yet to give a fuck about FACEBOOK) as a grassroots organization is challenging Ticketmasters marketing and business ethics.
Also, today, the author of ITP has contacted the ACLU in case anyone feels the need to "confront ME" about the content of this journal, and it's statements of fact. We at ITP wholeheartedly support the efforts of the ACLU and they will get a link soon.
Basic Info
Common Interest - Beliefs & Causes
This group is designed to start a grassroots movement against the atrocity that is Ticketmaster
Recent News
They recently purchased for $265M. While trying to purchase tickets to an event recently I was told no tickets were available 1 minute after they went onsale. However,the same page telling me it was sold out offered a link where I could purchase tickets "right now" for 1000% over the face value of the ticket price. Yes, they offered to sell me a $50 ticket for $500!! The website was

The convenience charges they have been raping the consumer with for years upset me, but it pales in comparison to holding tickets back. Then advertising on their site to buy tickets at a huge profit right after an event "sells out" straight up pisses me off.

We need to bombard congress with a request to examine their business practices. I know there are much greater things in the world to worry about. But Ticketmaster is taking advantage of an egregious monopoly and needs to be investigated for consumer fraud.

If anyone smarter than me (ie a lawyer with experience in this arena)would like to collaborate on an effective letter that than can be distributed on the internet via email and message boards, please get in contact with me. We can post the letter to this group as well. People can print it off, sign it, and send it to Washington. If we can get enough people to send letters to congress we may have a shot at stopping this abomination.

Please see the discussion board on this page for a rough draft
A similar issue has arisen regarding Holland's (GODLY) ROADBURN FEST as tickets to this amazing doom/avante garde fest sold out in 45 minutes, and YES, many tickets went to "other brokers" or scalpers. It is not illegal (in the Netherlands) to re sell tickets even for more than face value, however that is criminal behavior in the USA. However, TICKETMASTER is most likely NOT the ticket agency for 2009's ROADBURN FEST.
Holland's ROADBURN Festival Sells Out In 45 Minutes - Dec. 16, 2008
Roadburn, Europe's preeminent festival for stoner, doom, psychedelia and other colored metal, sold out in just 45 minutes after the tickets went on sale last Saturday, December 13.

Walter of Roadburn comments: "We still can't believe that the 2009 festival sold out so quickly. It was utter mayhem when the tickets went on sale last Saturday. Many of the tickets were gone before the regular Roadburn attendees realized that sales had even started. Unfortunately, about 150 to 200 tickets are currently being sold through secondary ticket outlets for prices up to 350 euros. We feel very badly that Roadburn can't prevent this from happening, but it's not against the law to resell tickets in the Netherlands. Please be very aware that some of these scalpers may sell fake tickets."

Roadburn Festival 2009, including the inaugural European version of NEUROSIS' acclaimed Beyond The Pale festival, will be held April 23 through April 25 at the 013 venue, Tilburg, Holland. There's an additional afterburner event scheduled for Sunday, April 26.


Thanks-Stay Metal, Stay Brutal- \m/ -l-

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Chuck Schuldiner Tribute Day

Seven years ago today, extreme metal hero CHUCK SCHULDINER (Death/Control Denied) departed this world due to complications from cancer. This journal is named after the legendary Death release "Individual Thought Patterns", and lets remember the genius of Chuck Schuldiner fondly as we know he's somewhere on that "Crystal Mountain".
Hails to Chuck-stay Metal, Stay Brutal, and LET THE METAL FLOW-\m/ -l-
BBL with some REVIEWS

Monday, December 8, 2008


THIS AINT RIGHT, THIS ISN'T FAIR! I'm, shocked, saddened and REALLY sorry to report this. Adrian "The Energizer" BROMLEY, a key figure, fan, reviewer in the Canadian metal scene has passed away at the age of 37. I'm sooo sorry to hear this because Adrian was an excellent reviewer, active in CHRONICLES OF CHAOS (webzine), UNRESTRAINED (Canadian) magazine, BWBK (Brave Words Bloody Knuckles-Canada) and the amazing extreme metal forum on BWBK.COM. ADRIAN was always, active in the Canadian metal scene, hilariously funny, at shows, and always had an EDUCATED opinion on extreme metal, an opinion you can trust. I'm sooo sorry to hear this, and I miss all you Canadians up there, you are always the best metal heads. RIP Adrian, I'll NEVER forget you. A few minutes of silence for ADRIAN BROMLEY today, metal flags at half mast today. RIP ADRIAN, I miss your "opinion" and I miss you on the forum. The extreme metal scene, Canadian and abroad will NOT be the same without Adrian.
FROM THE BWBK.COM FORUM: Adrian passed in his sleep, from complications due to pneumonia.

A trust account will be set up in Adrian's name where if people want to make donations, they can. Donations will go towards the Canadian Cancer Society. A cause very close and dear to Adrian.

There will not be a funeral service nor a wake for Adrian. A memorial event will be planned for the near future, where people all can gather to share their memories of the life and their times with Adrian.

OK, we have confirmed a date for the memorial for Adrian, it will be on Saturday Janurary 17 @ The Opera House, In Toronto. All are encouraged to attend.

More details will be listed in the next couple of days, with an official announcement thread made as well.
Thanks-Stay Metal, Stay Brutal-RIP ADRIAN "ENERGIZER" BROMLEY
It is with a very heavy heart we report that Adrian 'The Energizer' Bromley passed away in his sleep on December 7th, 2008 at the young age of 37. He had just celebrated his birthday on November 30th. To say that Adrian was active in the metal scene is an understatement. Early in his journalism career he worked at Canada's M.E.A.T Magazine (along with BW&BK's Carl Begai and "Metal" Tim Henderson). Soon-after, Adrian, along with Gino Filicetti formed one of the world's first extreme metal webzines called Chronicles Of Chaos. Adrian went on to create Unrestrained! Magazine which gained worldwide popularity in the extreme underground realm. More recently he worked press and publicity at The End Records and moved on to form Ixmati Media, a company that represented the likes of Listenable Records, Blistering Records, Northern Storm Records, Ibex Moon Records, Shadow Kingdom Records among others. He had also started his new label called Absurdist Records.

BW&BK President/CEO "Metal" Tim Henderson had this to say about his passing: "We are in total shock. We used to joke that BW&BK and Unrestrained! were vicious rivals, but that was totally inaccurate. I'd known Adrian since the M.E.A.T. days in Toronto in the late '80s as we all were trying to cut it as potential journalists! Hell, he lived on our BraveBoard! You won't meet anybody in this biz that worked as hard as Adrian, fighting for "the cause" at every waking moment. And the key was that his heart was in the right place. He'd give you his left arm if you needed it. Always a friendly hand-shake or a heavy metal hug. Every band and label that Adrian represented felt his presence. His head was filled with a sea of metal knowledge - underground and above ground. Virtually every conversation we had was about music - it was his life. Adrian had incredible vision, always thinking of ideas on how to push the scene to greater heights. Those of us based in Toronto - take a look around at your next metal show/gathering. Adrian touched every one of those souls as he helped the scene grow larger than ever.

Damn, it as just over a year ago we lost Ray "Black Metal" Wallace. Life just ain't fair.

He will be terribly missed..."
FROM BWBK.COM: A Tribute To Adrian Bromley - "Energize This!"
Posted on Tuesday, December 09, 2008 at 03:34:36 EST

As reported yesterday (December 8th), Toronto-based metal everyman Adrian 'The Energizer' Bromley passed away in his sleep on December 7th, 2008 at the young age of 37. BW&BK scribe Carl Begai has issued the following tribute:

Energize This!

Ever see that cartoon featuring Spike the bulldog heading out to deliver pain to a poor unfortunate feline while his yap-dog sidekick bounces around him like a superball, rattling off comments and questions about how some cat is going to get a hurt real bad? There was a time when I considered Adrian Bromley that yap-dog.

I say this fondly and with the utmost respect.

In all honesty, when I met Adrian in late ’93 as part of the M.E.A.T Magazine crew I thought he was whacked out of his mind. If he wasn’t moving he was talking, and the guy never stopped. He wasn’t annoying (most of the time ;-)) because there was substance in his words backed by a wicked sense of ironic humour, but on occasion it became a stress test trying to keep up with him. I once joked at one of the many M.E.A.T in-house pizza-and-beer parties that he was like the Energizer Bunny… he just kept going and going and going. I’m glad the nickname stuck, but it comes as no surprise that it did.

And now I sit here having to say goodbye. For once I wish I could pay my respects to the people that matter while they’re still here with us, but I suppose that would be considered ass-kissing rather than a tribute. Adrian had no time for kiss-asses.

I’m sad, I’m pissed off, I’m almost lost for words when I think about just how unfair life can be. I’m also reminded, however, of just how precious that life is. Adrian was with me at the beginning, when the whole metalhead journalist thing started to take shape for both of us, and looking back I’m able to smile even as I mourn his passing. And in truth, I’m kind of surprised by just how much road we ripped up together.

Standing front row at RPM at a Slik Toxik gig pie-eyed on beer and yelling out song requests list between tunes while Nick Walsh gave us the good-natured finger. Laughing with sadistic glee as Monster Voodoo Machine’s redwood-sized keyboardist THREW one overzealous stage-diver back into the audience (overhand) at Sneaky Dee’s. Listening to a discombobulated love-sick Adrian trying to center himself following a face-to-face interview with L7 bassist Jennifer Finch, the lust of his life for about a month. Watching in disbelief as a pre-ultra-fame Marilyn Manson threw himself repeatedly into the audience from 15 feet up during his set at a Nine Inch Nails show at the Gardens. Getting crushed at a Machine Head show at the Opera House, which Robb Flynn found incredibly funny. Raiding the M.E.A.T promo coffers. The list does indeed go on and on and on…

Adrian was warm, generous, intelligent, absolutely unique, with more ambition and energy than any 10 people combined. He was passionate about the music and the people behind it. That’s how I got to know him and that’s how he stayed to the end. That’s how I’ll always remember him.
FROM BWBK.COM: There will not be a funeral service nor a wake for Adrian. A memorial event will be planned for the near future, where people all can gather to share their memories of the life and their times with Adrian.

OK, we have confirmed a date for the memorial for Adrian, it will be on Saturday Janurary 17 at The Opera House, In Toronto. All are encouraged to attend. More details will be listed in the next couple of days, with an official announcement thread made as well.”

Rest easy, my friend. You’ll be missed.

Come down and share stories with friends and family, and reminisce about the good times shared. A microphone will be available on stage for anyone who would like to take the stage to pay tribute to Bromley, who passed away in his sleep on December 7, 2008 at age of 37 from complications of pneumonia.

Other scheduled performers include DETSORGSEKALF, ECLIPSE ETERNAL, ENDORPHINS, INTO THE VOID and MUSK OX. There will also be a silent auction taking place throughout the evening.

Admission is PWYC/Donation, with all proceeds going to the Canadian Cancer Society.

If you are unable to attend, and would like to make a donation in Adrian's name, visit

A Memorial For Adrian Bromley
Saturday January 17, 2009
The Opera House, Toronto
735 Queen St. E.
(416) 466 0313
Doors open at 7:00 p.m.

Bromley was a longtime music journalist whose writing appeared regularly in Chart, M.E.A.T. and Unrestrained! magazines, and online at Chronicles of Chaos and More recently, he worked as a publicist for The End Records and formed Ixmati Media, a company that handled publicity for such metal labels as Listenable, Blistering, Northern Storm, Ibex Moon and Shadow Kingdom. He had also started a new label called Absurdist Records.

Also, let's remember Darrel "Dimebag" Abbott as today is the anniversary of that fateful date in Columbus, Ohio. Darrel Abbot was an excellent guitarist
(Pantera/Damageplan), great guy, hilariously funny and friendly. A lasting memory of DIMEBAG is that died doing what he loved, and did best, playing shredding guitar in a quality metal band. All the best to the Abbott family, and Dimebags friends and fans, and band mates. RIP DIMEBAG, and I love the "bar" in the tour bus, lol.

Thanks-Stay Metal, Stay Brutal- \m/ -l-