Rules of Death metal (satire)

Rules of death metal, and this needs no introduction. This is a satire,(I'm a die hard death metal fan) don't try this at home. I will update this journal tmrw. when I feel better. Just couldn't resist. Thanks-Tee-Stay Metal, Stay Brootal. \m/ -l-

From the (lmao) nu metal guide:

Rules for Death Metal

 

1. Be Br00tal
2. dont be gay
3. Any one who isnt br00tal, is gay...
4. be gore
5. try and be br00tal gore if at all possible
6. Dont sit and watch any bands at any concerts, you must mosh, even if you hate the band.
7. Use the word "crushing" to describe things that are cool.
8. blast beats mean good drumming
9. never under any circumstances listen to....
10. six feet under
11. dont be Chris Barnes
12. if someone asks you if you like Cannibal Corpse, only say Chris Barnes CC, but maintaining your hate for him all the while
13. if in doubt, use some verb for vomiting in a song/ album title.
14. GORE OWNS YOU POSERS
15. Anything not ruthless or brutal is gay.
16. Maiden is pussy music, it doesnt crush...
17. for some reason, you must accept syl as deathmetal....
18. when your mom asks you to take out the trash, smash her face with a hammer, and rape her infront of your sister, then exhume a corpse and have a threesome with it and your mother
19. old cannibal owns\m/
20. hate old cannibal
21. when your mom makes you take the trash out via threats of violence tell her you only did it because your ruthless enough to handle anything, then kick the trashcan.
22. make fun of numetal using drop tuned 7s and simple riffs, then be in a band that does exactly that.
23. suffocation must be worshiped and copied no matter what.
24. name your band disgorge
25. do a slayer cover.
26. when in doubt say BRUTAL DEATH METAL!
27. smash crosses
28. youre not trying hard enough to be brutal
29. having a girlfriend is gay, it makes you less brutal
30. say you love Cryptopsy, but hate all albums besides None So Vile.
31. Blast beats can fill ANYTHING.
32. BLAST BEATS ARE BRUTAL:@
33. try as hard as you can to be gross, at the expense the entire band.
34. you can never have enough Carcass clones....
35. alas...dont be Dani Filth..
36. Say that all American deathmetal sucks, dispite the fact that most European bands are just copies of the American invented sound.
37. admit devin townsend is your lord and savior.
38. dont be grim
39. its perfectly plausable to be true and brutal in concurrance.
40. necro is cool, be necro....necro is used in deathmetal song titles....be necro...
41. sing about outragous gore, why god sucks...as much as possible.
42. infact...gorey deaths of jesus are what you should sing about, so sing...
43. if in a chatroom. kick and ban as many as possible to prove your brutality.
44. rap is not brutal.
45. if your girlfriend makes you listen to rap, berate her until the relationship dies.
46. wiggers are the declared enemy.
47. the low end of the bass is never too low, infact it could be even heavyer, tune down another step.
48. worship flo from cryptopsy
49. be racist and talk about suffocations ownage in the same sentence.
50. name your band disgorge.
60. when asked what deathmetal stands for say "DeathMetal is the soundtrack to societys end, mankind is useless, its the raw essence of nature and its brutality!" when the real reason you listen to it is blastbeats and funny lyrics.
61. hate punk
62. seriously, hate punk, and anything else weak.
63. feelings other then that of rage, the will to commit murder, or brutality are not true, nor are they brutal.
64. if you cry, you are not DEATHMETAL.
65. hate powermetal.
66. sing about corpses
67. when you pull a skinless and become commerical deathcore...say you did it for artistic integrity
68. hate new slayer
69. denouce slayer as not an inovator of deathmetal at all...
70. secretly love slayer
71. only admit to liking a few slipknot songs when drunk.
72. SLIPKNOT!?s:slkhD WHAT?
73. Pretend members of your family apprecaite deathmetal at 3 am.
74. insist on talking to uninterested parties about deathmetal and assume they understand what NUMETAL means, what blastbeats are, and care why Morbid Angel crushes.
75. Insit that suffocation are gods...
76. numetal is fucking gay.
77. seriously, ever heard the band staind? wow, you just wanna slap aaron lewises bald head with a hammer.
78. Greet only with Hail.
79. if someone is especialy brutal say "HAIL MOTHERFUCKER"
80. copy the 101 rules for blackmetal for ideas.
81. necro, any form of vomit, or misanthrope own and should be done as much as possible, to the point you want to smash stuff with hammers.
82. Hammers are cool.
83. the word OWN is the best word for any situation.
84. this owns
85. Hammers own.
86. BRUTAL DEATH FUCKING METAL!!! RRRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
87. Kill posers, with hammers....
89. Dont be Fear Factory
90. entrails are fun to sing about...
91. in addition to hammers and guts, chainsaws are also fun fun.
92. never use the term "fun fun"
93. Do stupid stunts that will no doubt prove your "brutality"
94. if its br00tal, it owns.
95. Say you want to fuck Angela Gassow, but hate her music.
96. Dont be Chris Barnes, seriously....
97. Say your favorite band is Death, but never listen to them.
98. "ruthless" is another welcomed addition to your vocabulary.
99. Hate inflames
100. You liked Inflames 3 years ago, but now youve always hated them
101. What the fuck are you still reading this for...pick up a chainsaw and attack some posers!!!