Individual thought patterns V.024: The Princess (extreme metal sub genre story metaphor)

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Princess (extreme metal sub genre story metaphor)

This is an interesting story line of the sub genres of EXTREME metal, "The Princess". Thanks to Live4Metal.com. for the extreme metal humor. BTW, here is a hilarious interview with Lord Worm of Cryptopsy here at Live4metal.com : http://www.live4metal.com/cryptopsy2006.htm

FROM Live4Metal.com. "The Princess": If you can't view my awful cut and paste job check the link on Live4Metal.com. HERE: http://www.live4metal.com/cradleoffun3.htm This is the situation: There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castle guarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f**ks her.

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f**ks the princess.

* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird
instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it,
rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he
sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f**ks the princess and kills her. Then he f**ks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he f**ks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f**ks it for the last time.

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets
depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of
boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the
princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

This is the situation: There is a beautiful princess trapped in a castle guarded by a dragon. Here is the end of the story with different kind of metalheads as knights.

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and f**ks her.

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and f**ks the princess.

* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird
instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it,
rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, f**ks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he
sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, f**ks the princess and kills her. Then he f**ks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he f**ks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and f**ks it for the last time.

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets
depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of
boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.

* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the
princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

Well, that was an awful job of cutting and pasting, but funny from Live 4 Metal.

Later-Stay Metal,Stay Brutal, Enjoy Your Funeral-Tee-\m/ -l-

Subscribe Now to Individual Thought Patterns V.024 via FEEDBURNER, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM

ITP V.024 20th ANNIVERSARY
https://spak-individualthoughtpatterns.blogspot.com

↑ Grab this Headline Animator

Follow @ITPV020 Tweet to @ITPV020 ITP RATING SYSTEM FOR EXTREME METAL CD REVIEWS: A feature entitled ITP BLAST BACK REVIEWS: A RE RATE of reviews (that year) to see if I over or under rated certain releases. Just the rating, and there's no guarantee that all ratings will change. All ITP REVIEWS are on a BELL CURVE in comparison to previous (band/artist) releases and whatever else is released that year in said genre. ITP EXTREME METAL RELEASE REVIEW RATING SYSTEM: ***** (5 stars)=Awesome, a classic, timeless, unholy **** 1/2 (4 and half stars)=amazing, perhaps this bands best **** (4 stars)=very good, well worth the purchase *** 1/2 (3 1/2 stars)=Good, standard fare, for fans and not new converts *** (3 stars)=Good, but flawed, no progression here ** 1/2 (2 1/2 stars)=Bordering on mediocrity, band is overrated ** (two stars)=somewhere between mediocre and SUKETH * 1/2 (1 1/2 stars)= SUKETH (this release SUCKS) * (one star)=Awful, this CD can only be used as a beer coaster or a Frisbee. ? (No stars)=this band and release blow goats. ITP STATES (DISCLAIMER): PLEASE no rap fans or bands, no emo, punk, hardcore, metal core or nu metal retards, NO politicians. This journal is protected under first amendment rights, if you're offended, please leave, chances are, we are offended by YOU. This is NOT a personal diary, this is an extreme metal journal, about and for extreme metal heads whom are not ignorant to the reality of society. The opinions expressed on this journal do NOT reflect the scene, industry, genre, town, local and regional promoters, venues, clubs or government, landlords, management, housemates ect. No religious wingnuts...Don't blame us as we're straight edge. This journal is anti establishment, but please no national socialists or political propaganda. No, I'm NOT your booking agent, promoter, manager, public relations assistant. However, if you're a good extreme metal label or webzine, hire me as your PR assistant/writer. BTW, we're straight edge, and we don't like drug addicts. All sources are attributed, there are NO illegal downloads here. Please support music and not rumors. ITP recommends that readers are 18 and up, we are not responsible for raising your kids. I don't like people whom don't respect the metal genres, or ME following me on or offline, stalking or menacing me, any obsessions, or neighbors looking to fight, or make a delusional conspiracy theory out of nothing, so I will take legal action to define a boundary with posers and bullies. These bullies are NOT allowed at our or any metal shows. NEW POLICY REGARDING ITP V.018 VS. SYNDICATES: RSS FEED BY PERMISSION ONLY. FEEDS/syndicates are a pain to manage, and can be claimed and controlled by someone other than the blogs primary author. ITP V.015 new policy does NOT allow FEEDS without permission and consent from ITP's author.Consent means sign up for said syndicate, chances are, ITP V.013 was taken without CONSENT, and not without express written consent. ITP does NOT endorse sexism, fascism, racism homophobia nor porn NONE of that, and ITP is NOT responsible for any statements or actions via readers, artists or bands, separating the artists and musicians from ITP V.018's author. All videos and music featured on ITP come straight from the labels and bands official YOU TUBE, VIMEO, SOUNDCLOUD and BANDCAMP accounts (I hope they go viral), under fair use, all rights reserved to the artists and labels, courtesy of the bands and labels. ITP V.20/21's author writes alone, and always has. ITP V.020/21s TEXT is CREATIVE COMMONS (and copy written) as ITP V.020/21 is a media partner for the music/metal industry and under fair use promoting music. ITP REVIEWS are independent of record labels and others, record labels nor anyone can not censor ITP reviews, making a distinction between Public Relations, advertising as reviews are independent via ITP and have to be independent of record labels.. Censorship regarding issues of denial will NOT be tolerated from anyone nor individuals, sites, as they will be legally liable for slander and defamation of character in a lawsuit. ITP is NOT associated with DEATH (Although I'm a fan) ITP V.020 is NOT a DEATH fan site, as ITP V.021 is a extreme metal news portal/blog for and about extreme metal. ITP RESERVES SOME RIGHTS AS IN "FAIR USE" IN THE CONTEXT OF MUSIC, METAL and ENTERTAINMENT PROMOTION AND REVIEWS. SOME RIGHTS RESERVED WITHOUT PREJUDICE Protect Yourself BTW, ITP was EDITED in FULL (the entire journal in 2013 (Years ago-ITP looks and reads different huh?. BTW, ITP TEXT is CREATIVE COMMONS and you might look silly as I have bit of black list in the music industry and beyond. A couple of issues I would like to address: ITP DOES NOT like PSYCHOTIC people following ITP, you're under arrest, I will sue you. ITP does not promote local and regional artists/bands and music venues whom have screwed me over, don't reciprocate or bands, labels, venues I don't like. It is NOT ITP's responsibility for promoting your venue, club or crap band or show, DIY and promote your self, If I don't promote you or your band are awful, the music is awful. ITP only promotes what SHE likes, go play in your own sandbox. I don't promote local or regional bands or/and venues just because they are local, nor do I ignore bands and venues from out of state and out of the U.S. . ITP does not promote main stream music nor mall core..Only extreme metal.. There are a couple of labels that are blacklisted, one that is national socialist. A few bands are blacklisted from ITP, and one or two venues. Obviously is someone gets in fight over ITP there will be consequences, NOT YOURS, ITP owns her own copy right. ITP is not a request journal, it is an extreme metal source for extreme metal news, no hipsters, ITP is my journal. ITP, while a media partner for most labels,does not write for nor work for record labels and is independent of record labels. ITP is not owned by a record label. BTW, regarding monetize for adverts, ITP does not normally do adverts and has not committed to monetize, although I'll look into it, depending on timing and circumstances. Thanks-Stay Metal, Stay Brutal and welcome to ITP \m/ -l- ***To experience ITP at it's fullest capabilities you'll need a good browser (MOZILLA FIREFOX or SAFARI) and a fast MODEM/CONNECTION (CABLE or WI FI) to enjoy the videos and a good set of HEADPHONES or/and speakers to enjoy the SOUND and brutality. If you subscribe to ITP don't forget to come straight to this blog for updates, videos, REVIEWS, pics for ITP's multimedia extreme metal experience. To enjoy ITP, you MUST have a BANDCAMP, YOU TUBE or/and SPOTIFY account to headbang. BTW, I almost forgot to mention, ITP is visible via BLOGSPOT, target FACEBOOK. So add ITP is under said bloggers given name on FACEBOOK. Not all ITP V.018 posts show up on the main feed nor get passed my timeline (isn't that the truth on FB, only 15% of posts end up in the main feed passed your timeline). Just switch your setting to "SEE FIRST" under ITP editors given name, and you'll see ITP V..024 BLOGSPOT posts. ..Or/and join ITP syndicates. ITP EST and BRUTALIZING THE WORLD SINCE 2004 first on AOL (ya probably noticed ITP V.08, V.09, and V.010 ect. since 2008, ITP ON BLOGSPOT since 2008.): ITP V.024 REVIEWS: 2024-: 4 /21/2024-ITP V.024 REVIEW:-EXHORDER- "DEFECTUM OMNIUM" ITP EXTREME METAL NEWS FEATURES: NOTES FROM THE EXTREME METAL UNDERGROUND (DEATH,GRIND, THRASH METAL NEWS), HUMANITY IS DOOMED (FUNERAL DOOM, DEATH/DOOM, SLUDGE, BLACKENED DOOM, AVANT), BLACK METAL NEWS (DEPRESSIVE, WAR, BLACKENED THRASH, AMBIENT) SPRING 2024 (T.B.A.) Thanks-Stay Metal, Stay Brutal-\m/ -l-

Subscribe in a reader

cookieassistant.com

Individual thought patterns V.024

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

The Princess (extreme metal sub genre story metaphor)

Feedjit

Featured Post

TYR : STREAMING NEW RELEASE "BATTLE BALLADS" VIA BANDCAMP

Subscribe Now to Individual Thought Patterns V.024 via FEEDBURNER, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM